A response to the ABC Report on domestic violence in churches
Saturday, 5 August 2017
| Graeme Cann
I am glad of this opportunity to respond to last month’s ABC report on Domestic Violence in the Church. I will not add my voice to those who have sprung to the defense of the Church, nor do I think it is right or appropriate to suggest that somehow the statistics prove that the incidence of domestic violence is higher among ‘evangelical men who attend church occasionally’ than any other segments of society.
What I believe is that the most appropriate and transparent response we as the Church can make is first to admit, in humility and remorse, that much of what is said in the article is indeed correct. Christian women are certainly among those thousands of women who are abused by their partners every year, and Christian men are far too often numbered among the perpetrators. Many of these abusers of women have justified their behaviour by using scripture passages. Or they have demanded instant forgiveness from those they have abused, on the basis that the Christian obligation is to forgive without demanding behavioural change. Perhaps even more disturbing is the charge that Pastors and Church leaders have frequently failed to give appropriate support to domestic abuse survivors or call to account those who have committed the criminal offence of violence against women. It is also true that some Churches and many Pastors do not actively preach and teach the equality of women and men, or demonstrate that they believe in such a thing by giving women equal opportunity to serve God and the Church, and that this often is used as a theological justification for Domestic Violence. And finally, my personal experience has been that many clergy are reluctant to get involved in the wider community’s attempt to address this issue.
In this article I do not plan to argue about the appropriate understandings of such positions as male headship or a wife's submission. I simply want to reaffirm that, when Paul says ‘husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church’ (Ephesians 5:25), he is categorically prohibiting every attitude or behaviour that results in a husband devaluing, humiliating, belittling or emotionally or physically wounding his wife. Likewise, whatever Paul meant when he told wives ‘to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord’ (Ephesians 5:22), he was not asking them to live in servitude to, or in fear of, their husbands. Nor was he supporting some mistaken idea that men and women were not created equal by God and that in both the family and the Church they were to be treated as inferior.
What I want to discuss is the following question: what will distinguish a Church leader or a Church congregation who having humbly and regretfully acknowledged that much of the ABC report was a reasonably fair appraisal of the situation, and who are willing to adopt the necessary changes in attitude and behaviour to effect significant change? Let me suggest a number of answers to this question.
1. They will unequivocally label all partner violence as a criminal act that is punishable by law. As a recent Wikipedia article explains: ‘Victoria Police regards family violence as extremely serious and has a pro-charge code of practice. The organization sees the nature of violence in family relationships as particularly insidious because it is an abuse of trust. There is often a continuing threat to the victim's safety or to their life, or the lives of their children and sometimes to extended family members’. Church leaders and congregations should be no less condemning of the crime of partner abuse.
2. They will familiarise themselves with all aspects of Domestic Violence, with a special emphasis on understanding the causes and effects. For too long we have excused a husband’s violence against his wife on the basis that ‘he was drunk’ or that ‘he was under stress’ or even that ‘she pushed him over the edge’. There is a reason for partner violence but there are no excuses. The reason is that some men believe that it is appropriate to subject their wives to violence and verbal abuse as a form of control and, unfortunately, such beliefs are often supported by societal attitudes.
3. They will give appropriate support to survivors of domestic abuse. As Church leaders or Church congregations they will no longer encourage women to remain in violent relationships; nor will they simply encourage them to go to the police and then wipe their hands of the situation. They will provide them with the support they need to report the violence and then to go through the trauma of court appearances and separation. They will know how to refer them to helpful organisations and they will assure that everything is done to guarantee their ongoing safety.
4. They will understand that a few sessions of spiritual counseling, or even a new spiritual experience, will probably not be enough to guarantee that a man will not resort to violence again. The reality is that intensive treatment over a long period will be necessary and, even then, the evidence would show that some abusive men never change. However, there are a number of helpful programs available. Information about these can be obtained by contacting the Domestic Violence Centre in your State.
5. They will teach regularly on issues related to making families safe places. Such teaching will not only resource and strengthen families but will also give people the courage to seek help if they are concerned about what is happening in their family or to them personally.
6. They will be involved in the wider community campaign against Domestic Violence. A number of initiatives such as Prevention Violence Against Women provide a range of resources and training events. The Anglican Diocese of Melbourne offers a Bystander Course and Men's Health Victoria offer training on understanding Domestic Violence. White Ribbon Australia also gives opportunity for men to participate in the war against Domestic Violence.
The real war that we must engage in is the war against attitudes and beliefs that support the idea that violence can ever be justified. Having had the privilege of seeing, first hand, the impact of Prevention of Violence Against Women initiatives in the cities of Casey, Greater Dandenong, Cardinia and Darebin, I am confident that this war can be won. Jesus’ command to ‘love our neighbors’ (Matthew 22:39) and ‘love our enemies’ (Matthew 5:44) leaves us in no doubt that He never saw a justification for violence of any kind. The followers of Jesus need to be at the forefront of that battle.
Graeme Cann is an experienced Pastor and Clinical Counsellor. He has been actively involved in raising awareness of domestic violence for more than a decade.